Morning prayer meeting

Was on leave today. Woke at 6am to head for prayer meeting at jwest. Hehe, tat’s the perk of staying at boon lay! Hall was packed with pple. Tried to find a seat for Raymond & myself. There were seats, just that people were kneeling at the entrance of certain row of seats and did not wanna disturb them.

Could sense the sweet presence of God after few minutes of praying (as I was little late, it seems it was a time to pray on your own).  It’s amazing how an early morning and coming together with believers in a room can make it so easier to feel the presence of God. Could hear God speaking so easily. Perhaps He has always been speaking but being in such an atmosphere will always make hearing so much easier. God’s love is amazing, He truly is amazing for just who He is. Just His character alone, not counting what He does or does not do for us.

I know everything I have and can do is becos’ of Him and I prayed I’ll never forget that as I get older and move up society more or attain more in life. That I will not get stuck in my ways as I get older, but more dependent on Him as I age, despite knowing more, despite experiencing more, despite facing the world and it’s seeming ugliness at times, I pray for deeper dependence. I can’t do it without God…

Think many times in life we get thru’ each day totally relient on our wisdom, strength & understanding. It makes living so hard and not at that max level it was meant to be. “Let us walk in the Spirit”… I want tat flow, tat clearity of mind tat is not rushing & uncertain but at rest and dependent. Yet it’s hard to flow with the Spirit unless we spend time getting into His presence.

Prayed that each cell member will grow spiritually, break every barrier that stands in our way to intimacy with God. Loving Him all over again, never giving up or giving in.

Got the prayer card with a sticker, cool! 5 stickers for a $10 starbucks voucher. I’m still thinking if I shld tell my boss to allow me to be slightly late on some days these 2 weeks. I may have to leave prayer meeting at 7.45am and rush to work, but even so, it’s all worth it. Can understand a little why Dr Cho’s church grew so much. If they pray at even earlier hours each day, everyday, how can it not?

Qoo. Open XiaoJiang. Fuwa Huan Huan.

A nice cosy dinner. A walk along esplanade. Dazzling lights & sounds from the national day parade site. Great music from esplanade outdoor stage performance. A walk along esplanade bridge. Settling down on the floor at the steps of the Merlion facing the sea & the lights. A handwritten paper involving qoo, open xiao jiang & fu hua huan huan. Declaration of love, wat I mean to him & how I’ve made him a better man. Tears (me). Destinee diamond ring. Of course yes!

08.08.08 - olympics opening night, national day eve, proposal day!

So I guess the esplanade area will forever hold special meaning to us.. our pa tor days, first kiss, sweet proposal. Nothing OTT, just the way I like it..

God is faithful & ever present. Want this to be all abt Him. Only cos’ of Him that all these are possible.

 

Qoo

Open Xiaojiang

Fuwa Huan Huan

Hehe, I ain’t telling how the 3 characters were involved in the proposal.. but it was v sweet & personal.

Shortchanging ourselves_take it by force

Today Raymond shared abt “Dealing with our emotional wounds” during cell. In brief, emotional wounds are a result of past experiences and are attributed through any of 4 ways - (a) Learned Behaviour, (b) Bitter Root Judgement, (c) Emotional wounds from childhood & (d) Inner Vows. And the only way to deal with emotional wounds is through the power of God: - To Confess, Forgive (ask God to forgive you & you forgive the offender), Release the hurts to God, Receive healing & Reconcile.

However, for me the key point I took home today was the fact that no one else can make my life any lesser than I allow it to be. In other words, I myself shortchange myself in life. People do this thru’ various ways, like allowing fear to prevent them from stepping out.. fear of what others think, what they are used to, what they think they can accomplish. Or perhaps not trusting others becos of past hurts & betrayals as a form of self protection, the need to withdraw, the desire to shrink into our comfort zones. 

As I thought abt this fact, i.e. we ourselves are the ones shortchanging ourselves, this verse comes to mind: “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” - 2 Cor 9:8. If God has promised that we will always definitely have enough grace do ABOUND in every good work, den the only one sabotaging our chances is yourself! 

Have been thinking abt another verse of late as well: “The kingdom of God suffers violence, and the violent shall take it by force” - Matthew 11:12

Realise much in the kingdom of God has to be taken by force, i.e. we dun sit around waiting for our lives to change just cos we want it to.. we can’t just wait for the devil to stop tormenting us, hope that one day we will be bold and breaking thru’, stepping out, doing more. No.. realise it is now. By faith. Being Bold and Courageous… just like how God exhorted Joshua to be. Take it by force.. the abundant life promised is not going to just fall into our laps.. it’s snatched by force from the enemies’ camp. A camp that has been set up in your mind to limit you all ya life. 

And so it seems these 2 aspects that “we shortchange ourselves” & we shld “take hold of the things of the kingdom by force” seem to gel into one… 

But as Raymond concluded (quoting AR Bernard) tonight.. “The proof of knowledge is in its application”. Check.

Unless a seeds falls to the ground & dies…

Interestingly for the past 2 months there has been a constant resounding message of the “seed” & “dying”… and it has stuck week after week in my psyche. Unless a seed falls to the ground and dies it remains but a seed.. but if it dies it produces much. As Robb Thompson says, everything we do, say, desire, think, is a seed… and our decisions today will determine our tomorrows, not our circumstances. With the infallible law of seed-time-harvest, whatever seed planted will produce a harvest, it just has to, just like how after day comes night and after night comes the day… that as long as we sow into our relationships, finances, talents, gifts and to the kingdom, we will receive a harvest. We don’t even have to plead & beg God for the harvest, all we need to do is sow and wait.

Unless we die to ourselves, unless we live for others then we can truly experience life. Ironically weird it appears.. but yet i have been trying to imagine what if I live life just for myself.. for my dreams, my wealth, my house, my wedding, my kids, my talents… for myself. I think life will feel pretty stinky after a while. It will never bring abt that “abundant life” so promised, that multiplying, dominating life we are called to have. Yet why can’t we just agree to die? It just requires a decision. 

A decision to believe against emotions, against circumstances, against sight, against hope. A decision to do it even if it feels awful, even when no one sees, even when you may not agree totally. A decision to bite the bullet in the short term, knowing that in the long run this is necessary. A decision to be present, a decision to be real with yaself & others, a decision to say “yes”. A decision to stop questioning, wondering & being passively inactive. A decision to wanna live cos’ your days are ticking by and you can’t afford to remain the way you are another day.  A decision to stretch, to trust others, to believe more for yourself. A decision to hold onto God and pressing thru’, knowing that He will never let go of you. DECIDE. ACT. NOW.

Been reading Robb Thompson’s The Ultimate Reference Guide to Increase, of which some of the above is taken directly from there. In it he also says it is impossible to receive a harvest from a seed never sown. Perhaps we all hear and go “duh.. of course lah”. Yet, we live life with exactly this mindset… desiring, seeking, praying, complaining abt our lack in an area of our lives - finances, emotional life, a boyfriend, spirituality, etc… yet never realise we have not sown the seed yet. Therefore, what harvest is there to expect? We go thru’ life day after day wondering why are things the same. Perhaps a wiser reflection for myself would be - Have I sown any seeds in this area? If yes, are they good or bad seeds - if every decision is like a seed and decisions made today determine my tomorrow, then what sort of conscious or subconscious decisions have I made yesterday that led to my today? What can I do right now to change my tomorrow. - “Everything in your future will be created by something in your present.” (Robb Thompson) -

Unless a seed falls to the ground & dies… what have I got to lose by letting my seed die in the view of eternity? What have i got to lose, when nothing I have now is even mine to begin with?

DECIDE - ACT - NOW   (~Help me Lord, thank you!) 

A Father’s Love Letter

I was suddenly reminded of a beautiful flash clip entitled “A Father’s Love Letter”. Went to google it and watched it again for the 7th time perhaps in the last few years… it is simply beautiful. Words from scripture, direct from the Father into my heart… accompanied in the background with an equally beautiful song “Faithful Father”. 

God loves me soooo much, I just dun know. Even if i do, I seem to always forget… and even if I do remember, I can never really know the depth of tat love… especially not admist the hustle and bustle of a trying life.

The flash presentation sends whispers of such lavish love from God’s heart to mine… some of it soooo lavish and free, so romantic even tat it makes my heart blush! Yet, it also has the effect to make my heart leap and wanna burst with such bliss & joy - God loves me!!! Sometimes I need simple truths to get me thru’ life… deep theological teaching is good & necessary, but when things get rough, when visions blur, when the path seems to have disappeared like an old dirt track… I need to know I still matter.. even when things dun go right, even when i fail, even when i feel so much & need some clarity & refocusing. 

Promise after promise is spilled out… who we are to the Father, how much we mean to Him even if we do break His heart at times… all He has in stored for us.. the abundant life.. how much He wants to show us!  

1 John 3:1 - “It is my desire to lavish my love on you”

Enjoy… even if you have seen it before it is so worth a reminder of your worth in His eyes.  

URL: http://www.fathersloveletter.com/fllpreviewlarge.html

A Mother’s Love

Today was a day dedicated to all mummies out there.. tears flowed freely in service today as children were invited to express their heartfelt love & gratitude to their mothers… mothers of all ages, mothers of different backgrounds, different live experiences, different pains in life and different journeys, yet all with a huge heart of love for their children.

Made me realise how little time I have to spend with my mum before I move out & start a family of my own… years have flown by since I was a little girl… years of joy & pain I have given to mummy… being embarrassed by her love for me in front of my friends in school I can relate… then feeling so bad cos’ I know she just wants me to be ok. I do love my mummy for many things.. for her sacrifice to quit the workforce upon my arrival and has stayed out of it for the last 26 years to take care of sister and me. Now finding a job is difficult for her although I know she hopes to find one to help out financially as well as to kill time. Yet she does not want a full time job.. she still wants to be able to come back in time to cook dinner for us. She’s still the first to wake up each morning to make breakfast for us. But I guess the greatest thing my mum does for me is to pray for me everyday. I know tat each day after I wake up and go to bathe, she will go to my room, lay hands on my pillow and pray for me. Eric always tells me tat part of the reason why I came back to God was cos’ of my mum’s prayers… and I guess it is true.

Today also made me think of how it would be like when I become a mummy… one day. I think the pains of motherhood no can understand. When pastor today prayed for the mothers, he mentioned how sometimes they may feel alone. I think this is so true.. it already is true as a single woman, what more as a mother… oh, the silent heartaches of a mother who can understand? Unspoken hopes, desires, despair and tears… yet the heart of a mother is forever fierce & true… for her children a mother can do anything. He/she is after all your child…..

I think we can only do it in God as we learn how release oneself and one’s children into His hands… to know that He takes care of the children in situations when we can’t.

I love my mummy… it is time to return the love and prayers, for her.